Confession: Sometimes I get angry and frustrated about things beyond my control. I also have moments when I feel unjustifiable anger or jealousy towards another person. It happens. I’m human. But, I have a few coping mechanisms. Would you like to know what they are? It’s kind of embarrassing….okay I’ll tell you.
I have an “I don’t care” playlist. This is the list of songs that I play when I actually care a LOT about what is happening in my life and I would like very much to not care. It is the list I play when I feel rebellious. When I’m tired of being reliable and I want to take a last minute personal day…or five. When I really want to give someone a piece of my mind but I can’t do that because I’m an introvert and….yeah. When I’ve had to listen to someone I completely disagree with go on and on about their opinions as if they were facts set in stone…..
I need to calm down, I’m getting angry.
Okay. Anyway, this playlist mostly consists of villain songs. My husband says I turn scary when I start to play this list. All my pent up drama comes out and I become a little too animated when singing the villains part.
Here are a few of the songs on my list:
Mother Knows Best Reprise — Tangled (great when you’re feeling snarky)
Poor Unfortunate Souls — Little Mermaid (she’s such a great villain!)
Little Girls — Annie 2014 (when I’ve had a particularly challenging day of teaching)
Defying Gravity — Wicked (I’m going to soar above the drama)
In the Dark of the Night — Anastasia (getting dark now, I want to hurt someone)
Be Prepared — Lion King (Roar!)
Brand New Day — Dr. Horrible’s Singalong (I didn’t even like this movie because of the ending. I’m REALLY ticked off when I play this song.)
Yes, most of these are Disney songs. Isn’t that sad? My rebellion is listening to Disney songs. I really need to rethink my life.
Anyway, when I’m ticked off at the world I like to play these songs and sing along with them. I become the villain. Then I calm down, regain my dignity and become the rational human being most people know.
Why do I feel such release in singing the angry words of villains? Maybe because I can relate to each of these villains in my anger and frustration.
Mother Gothel — she’s afraid of losing control so she manipulates
Ursula — she’s ticked off because she’s been humiliated and now she wants to humiliate back
Ms. Hannigan — she feels stuck and she hates what she’s become
Elphaba — she’s tired of playing games and she wants to be free
Rasputin — his existence is meaningless and he’s trying to justify it
Scar — he’s watching the life he feels he deserves being prepared for someone else
Dr. Horrible — the one thing he wants is being claimed by someone who does not deserve it
I may disagree with the way these characters respond in their fear and anger, I may be able to recognize how their choices have led them to these moments, but it doesn’t keep me from sympathizing with the underlying emotions. Somehow, singing through these songs helps me to process whatever is irritating me at the moment. In a way, it is like verbalizing my complaint with the world.
These characters, on some level, all want to be recognized and important. Their motivations are unhealthy, but do we not all want the same thing? To be important to someone? To be seen and recognized for what we do well and what we contribute to our communities?
Some of these characters have legitimate frustrations with the world. They’re tired of less-than-deserving people winning in life while their hard work goes unnoticed. They’re tired of dishonest people being lauded as heroes. Haven’t we all felt like that at one time or another?
The difference between me and these villains is that in the end I know I have been heard. God hears my little tantrums and doesn’t love me any less when they’re over. It may not change the circumstance, but it does help me to know that He sees me and understands my feelings even better than I do. He reminds me that I do have a purpose, and it is to serve Him. Even if I never get recognized for it, He knows, and that is all that matters. It makes me want to talk to these characters and tell them that they don’t have to be angry with the world.
These characters are fictional. I can’t do that.
But I can be intentional about recognizing other people. I can find ways to sympathize with people who are angry and frustrated instead of judging them for the way they respond to those emotions. I can point the way to the God who sees them, hears them, and loves them.
Then maybe they will be less inclined to play the villain, too.